When it comes to discussing an autism diagnosis with your child, open and honest conversations go a long way in helping them better understand themselves and the world around them. These discussions are an opportunity to celebrate your child’s unique qualities, boost their self-confidence, and lay the groundwork for a lifetime of self-awareness and advocacy.
Starting this conversation can feel overwhelming, but you don’t have to do it alone. This guide will walk you through how to approach the topic in an age-appropriate way with practical strategies to create a supportive, empowering dialogue.
Stride Autism Centers is here to help your family in this exciting upcoming chapter in your lives.
Why Discussing an Autism Diagnosis Matters
Kids are curious, and they often notice when they experience the world differently than others. Just like adults do, kids compare themselves to their peers. Without clear explanations, this can lead to confusion, frustration, or feelings of inadequacy.
Discussing an autism diagnosis provides your child, even at a young age, with clarity and a framework for understanding their experiences.
This conversation also normalizes talking about autism and encourages your child to feel proud of who they are. By fostering openness, you give them the tools to address challenges and celebrate their strengths.
Preparing Your Family for the Conversation
1. Educate Yourself
Before starting the conversation, take time to educate yourself about autism. Resources like the Association for Science in Autism Treatment and Autism Speaks can provide valuable information.
Understanding the characteristics of autism, common strengths and challenges, and patterns of development can make it easier to explain it to them.
2. Reflect on Timing
Choose a moment when your child is calm, focused, and ready to talk. There’s no perfect time, but if they’ve started noticing differences or asking questions about their experiences, that’s a good indicator it’s time to begin.
3. Plan the Right Setting
Pick a quiet, familiar place where your child feels safe. A calm environment with soothing items like a lovie or stuffed animal can help them process the information and feel supported.
Tailoring the Discussion to Your Child’s Age and Understanding
Young Children
Use simple language and concrete examples. For instance, “Autism means your brain works in a special way. It helps you do some things really well, and it makes other things a little harder. Everyone’s brain works differently, and that’s okay!”
Older Children
Older kids and teens may be ready for more details. You can connect the diagnosis to traits they’ve noticed in themselves.
For example, “Have you noticed how you’re amazing at solving puzzles but sometimes get overwhelmed in noisy places? That’s because of how your brain processes information and sensory inputs — it’s part of autism. It’s not good or bad; it’s a part of who you are.”
No matter their age, reassure them that autism is one aspect of their identity, one to be proud of and celebrated. Autism is not the only thing that defines them and their abilities.
Creating a Supportive Environment
A calm and supportive environment is essential for a meaningful conversation. Start by highlighting your child’s strengths.
For example, “You have such a great memory, a wonderful imagination, and you are always ready on time. Those are things that make you special. I wish I could do some of these things as well as you do them.”
If your child uses alternative communication methods or is less inclined to share how they feel verbally, incorporate tools into the conversation. Picture cards, communication devices, or visual aids can help them name and process their emotions.
An example of a visual aid we’ve used with our own kids is called Red, Yellow, Green Hearts. When you feel upset, point to the red heart. When things feel okay but not great, that’s yellow. Green hearts mean you feel calm and happy.
These shortcuts may not tell the whole story but they can help people get unstuck in sharing their emotional state, and help caregivers pinpoint problems to try and solve.
How To Explain Autism in Simple, Relatable Terms
When discussing an autism diagnosis, use positive and affirming language.
For example, “Autism means your brain works in a unique way. It makes you really good at some things, like noticing details or remembering facts, but it can also make some things harder, like loud noises or transitions to new activities.”
Relatable comparisons can help, too. You might say, “It’s like being left-handed in a right-handed world — it’s not bad, just different. And different is great! It’s what makes us human.” These explanations can make autism feel less intimidating and more approachable for your child.
Handling Questions and Emotions
After sharing and discussing the autism diagnosis, give your child time to react. They might have questions like “Will I always have autism?” or “Why am I different from other kids?”
Answer honestly and reassure them. For instance, “Yes, autism is part of who you are, just like your eye color. It’s not something that needs to change, and it’s a part of what makes you amazing.”
For nonverbal children or those who use alternative communication, ensure you leave room for their input. Presume competence and allow extra time for them to process and respond.
Promote Positivity and Self-Awareness
Discussing an autism diagnosis is a chance to focus on your child’s strengths. Highlight what makes them unique and special. You might say, “Your autism helps you see the world in a way others might not. That’s super cool and something to be proud of!”
Share stories of role models like Temple Grandin or Greta Thunberg to inspire your child and show them that having autism is part of what makes these individuals extraordinary.
Talking to Siblings and Family Members
Including siblings in the conversation about your child’s autism diagnosis is an important part of creating a supportive family environment. Siblings often have their own questions and observations. Helping them understand autism can promote empathy, patience, and inclusion.
Siblings of children with autism or other special needs often feel a range of emotions, including jealousy, guilt, and resentment. All of these are important to name, honor, and explore.
When talking to siblings, use simple, age-appropriate language to explain autism. For example, you might say, “Your brother’s brain works differently, which makes some things harder for him, like loud noises or changes in routine. But he’s really good at remembering things and solving puzzles!”
Encourage siblings to ask questions and express their feelings. Reassure them that it’s okay to feel curious, confused, or even frustrated at times. You might also provide examples of how they can support their sibling, such as being patient during sensory challenges or celebrating their successes.
Also, as early on and possible, share some words and phrases that are positive, respectful, and supportive. Kids who have the right language will be more inclined to engage and champion their siblings.
Another tip is to find a sibling support group so they can connect with other kids having similar experiences. There are many things siblings may be hesitant to share with parents for fear of creating more stress in the household. Peer groups can be powerful outlets for siblings to emote and validate their feelings.
By involving siblings in the conversation, you’re establishing a family culture where everyone feels valued and understood. This openness also helps siblings become advocates and allies, building a strong foundation of love and support for your child.
How Stride Autism Centers Can Support You
At Stride Autism Centers, we’re here to support your family. Our team of dedicated professionals understands the importance of open communication and works to create an environment where your child can thrive.
We offer personalized support to help you facilitate conversations about autism, foster your child’s strengths, and connect with resources that empower your family.
Additional Resources for Parents
If you’re looking for more guidance on discussing an autism diagnosis or supporting your child, check out these trusted resources:
- Autism Speaks: Toolkits and Guides
- Association for Science in Autism Treatment
- Books About Autism for Kids
These tools can provide practical advice and help you feel confident as you navigate this journey with your child.
Conclusion and Next Steps
Talking with your child about their autism diagnosis is an opportunity to strengthen your bond, foster self-acceptance, and empower them to embrace who they are. Remember, this isn’t a one-time conversation — it’s the beginning of an ongoing dialogue.
Give yourself grace as you navigate this process. If you have questions or need additional support, don’t hesitate to reach out. We’re here for you every step of the way.
Author: Emily Patrizi, Chief Operating Officer
Emily Patrizi is a Board Certified Behavior Analyst with over 20 years of experience in the education and autism fields. She began her career working in group homes and school districts, eventually transitioning into Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA).
